One of the most overlooked things when speaking or writing about BDSM is what happens to the submissive AFTER an intense playroom scene. Dom’s put their charges through a great deal when they are in a session. When I use the word “charges” you may think of a nanny or a “manny” the new pop culture word for male nanny, who cares for a child. Just as a manny is responsible to care for that child and take care of all of their basic and extraordinary needs, so is a Dom responsible to care of his sub, before, during and after a scene.
By its very nature, BDSM brings with it tremendous intensity to whatever scene is being played out in the playroom at the time. Whether it is a flogging, a caning, a violet wand, or Shibari, the sub and the Dom go into subspace or topspace while in a scene. The Dom is responsible to make sure that the sub is not pushed to the point where pain is so unbearable that they are actually physically harmed. Once the human body has been pushed to its limits, it must be cared for. The simplest analogy is exercise. As a cool down after an intense work out at the gym or a nice long run, the muscles must be cared for. Whether that is a hot shower and a massage or simple stretches and time to cool down, the human body requires a time to recuperate afterward.
Aftercare in BDSM is much the same. Subs can easily dehydrate during an intense scene. They sweat, they pant and they are pushed physically so that their electrolytes can become off balance which an incredible risk of heart attack. And with an abundance of adrenaline, running through them and a sudden burst of epinephrine released by the sub adrenal glands, it is extremely important for them to hydrate afterward. In addition, there will be redness, and often bruising when a sub is flogged, paddled, caned or has the crop used on their bodies. There are creams like Arnica which help to prevent bruising.
A good Dom will make sure that their sub is cared for in whatever ways they need. Sometimes that is a simple bottle of water and a loving touch. Sometimes it requires that the Dom speak softly to their sub, bringing them out of their subspace and back into the world, before they walk out of the doors of a club. The last thing any Dom wants is to watch a sub whose just been through an intense scene, walk out the doors and disappear to their car, being left raw and still in subspace and possibly suffering from a parasympathetic nervous system response leaving them lethargic or incoherent.
As in all aspects of BDSM, attention to detail is important. While providing great physical satisfaction, it is the Dom’s responsibility to his sub to make sure that he is cared for afterward as much as it is the submissive’s responsibility to ask for it.
